When Recovery Doesn’t Feel Worth It
Recovery from an eating disorder is incredibly difficult. Not only is the process itself just really hard, but it usually takes a long time and that in and of itself can be challenging. Sometimes it might all feel not worth it.
I understand. I’ve been there and so have many of the clients I’ve worked with. Part of the reason it doesn’t feel worth it, though, is probably because you don’t know what full recovery is like. It’s hard to imagine having peace with food and your body if you’ve never experienced it.
In earlier difficult seasons of my life, I was tempted to relapse back into my eating disorder. If we’re honest, we can admit that our eating disorders serve us in many ways, and that’s another reason it’s hard to give them up. But I didn’t go back to it, because I knew what it’s like to live without an eating disorder and it’s SO MUCH BETTER. Whatever my eating disorder did give me didn’t compare to what it stole from me. Whatever needs it met, I can meet those in healthier, better ways that don’t come at such a high physical and emotional cost.
But if you haven’t been on the other side of full recovery like I have, you might have a hard time even imagining what it will be like. So even though you can’t really know until you get there, let yourself dream. Try to create in your mind a picture of what being recovered might look like for you. Here are some activities that I like to do with clients to help them envision recovery.
Create a vision board. Cut out pictures from magazines (that won’t be triggering) and glue them on a piece of paper or poster board. Include pictures of places you want to go, activities you want to do, foods you want to eat, words that will describe you and your life, etc. Hang it up where you can see it often to help you stay motivated.
Journal about being recovered. Take some time to imagine a day in your recovered life. Visualize in as much detail as possible what you are doing, what you are wearing, who you are with, how you feel about life, how you feel in your body, what hobbies/activities you enjoy, or whatever else you would like to be true for you.
These activities might bring up a lot of emotions. Maybe excitement thinking about the possibilities, or sadness about what you’re missing out right now. It might even bring up anxiety or fear. It’s okay to also feel afraid of the things we want. Even if recovered life seems scary, try these assignments anyway and share it with your therapist, if you have one (and if you don’t please get one!).
Final Thoughts…
Overwhelming emotions, fear of weight gain, loss of identity, and so many other recovery humps make it tempting to give up before you fully recover. Please don’t give up. Reach out for support, give yourself compassion for how hard it is, and remind yourself what you’re working towards.
I’m Cherie Miller, MS, LPC-S, founder of Nourished Soul Center for Healing and @foodfreedomtherapist on Instagram. We offer therapy and nutrition counseling for chronic dieting as well eating disorders like Anorexia, Bulimia, Binge Eating Disorder, Orthorexia, ARFID, and other food issues. As anti-diet professionals, we are passionate about intuitive eating and Health at Every Size philosophies. Contact us here to schedule a therapy or nutrition appointment.